“Elijah stood up in front of all the people and asked them, ‘How long will you try to have it both ways? If Yahweh is Elohim, follow Him; if Baal is Elohim, follow him.’ The people didn’t say a word.” I Kings 18:21 (God’s Word/Names of God Bible)
I was struck by the question and knew God wanted me to answer. I have been trying to have it both ways. I have been reluctant to leave the past. I’ve been trying to have my cousins take the place of my parents, and God take the place of my husband, and it doesn’t work that way. They are different. You are different. I am different now.
I am not the same girl I was in high school or college. I am not the same woman who left marital life to start over after divorce. I am different and my needs are different. Perhaps that’s my problem – trying to find the same family dynamics and the same husband relationship when I no longer need them, when they never fulfilled me anyway.
Perhaps I don’t “need” them at all. What I truly need is a fully developed relationship with God. I can’t have what I used to have, but I can have all of God and what He wants to bless me with if only I would give Him all of me.
I can’t have it both ways.
I can’t tell myself nobody loves me and nobody cares while trying to convince myself of God’s love for me.
I can’t believe Satan’s lies and God’s truth at the same time.
I can’t live in the present while constantly looking back at the past.
We can’t have it both ways.
We can’t love God while keeping a grudge or hating someone.
We can’t expect God’s forgiveness while holding unforgiveness towards another in our heart.
We can’t expect God to be generous to us when we’re stingy with Him.
We can’t demand to be treated well when we’re not giving our best to others.
It’s time to choose which way we want.